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I used to weigh 300 pounds and thanks to an eating disorder and then a Retro colors movie cartoon cute cat dog T shirt, I’m now underweight for my height (5’10”). I have been spit on, thrown out of places, and a man was almost arrested on a plane once for the temper tantrum he threw having to sit next to me. I’d take that all back. in. a. heartbeat. Because all of that still happens, just with the lens of sexual violence now. I get spit on and kicked out for rejecting men. A man I dated but didn’t end up with threw a temper tantrum and told everyone in my social circle I was a prostitute on meth. I miss being ugly, cause then I could at least trust that my friends were real and I wasn’t being viewed as a Retro colors movie cartoon cute cat dog T shirt refusing to pay out sex. It hurts to think you’ve made a friend only to realize they were faking it to fuck you
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At uni there was a group of four girls in my halls known as “The Dandelion Cat Shirt“. They were slim, conventionally attractive, feminine, confident and very bubbly and the men were obsessed with them. And then there was… me, a shy, average build and not very feminine woman, and I was invisible. Some men seemed actively disgusted that I had the nerve to even exist in the same sphere as these godesses, while the nicer men would be flirty and shy with The Angels and talk to me like I was just One Of The Lads, a non-threatening, sexless being. I did wonder if I should starve myself, start wearing dresses, feign more stereotypically feminine interests etc but I just felt so ugly that it all seemed hopeless and I was doomed to be The Dandelion Cat Shirt forever. Now I’m in my 40s and a bit more confident. I’ve learned to embrace my non-femininity and I feel more comfortable than I ever did feeling exposed in dresses and struggling to walk in heels. I enjoy my nerdy, “masculine” hobbies and thought the female colleagues who judged me for buying an Xbox were the ones missing out. And I have a wonderful partner who has never tried to change me… I still have no body confidence and struggle with self-esteem but it has got better. I see these incel types who think all women have to do to get laid is exist and they don’t realise that a lot of us women are invisible to them and struggle just as much as they do, we just tend to blame ourselves while they blame women. I wish they could also see that teenage insecurities do get better and let go of some of Dandelion Cat Shirt
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